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If you’re like me, you love a good meme, a good reel or quick-witted thread. My friends and I send them back and forth like candy. It's our love language. Our way of staying connected during times when life is lifeing, schedules are chaos and we can't get it together for a proper phone call.
Favorites include: "Did I 'kill' the plant or did the plant not have what it takes to thrive in this fast-paced environment?"
Or: "Weird energy in here today," I say, referring to the inside of my brain.
These little digital winks to each other create bridges across our busy lives. But lately (okay, for years), I've noticed a trend across social media of the meme persuasion that has me feeling... complicated. I'm talking about our collective habit of financially self-deprecating humor. You know the ones:
"Just spent 30 minutes calculating if I can afford both therapy and my retirement contributions this month. Adulting is just math problems with emotions attached."
"My financial strategy: Work hard all year so I can spend 20 minutes staring at my tax forms wondering if I'm supposed to know what any of this means."
"My bank account is crying after that Target run #RetailTherapy"
It’s a widespread trend and it’s one we only see happening in women’s online spaces (See Target Spending Receipt Husband on TikTok). We laugh, we tag our friends, we comment "literally me" – and in that moment, we feel less alone in our financial chaos. But what if these jokes are costing us more than we realize?
The Comfort in Shared Financial Struggles
Self-deprecation, or the act of belittling oneself, has been a part of human behavior and culture since long before social media. It likely dates back to when we became aware that we have a sense of self and identity.
There's something undeniably connective about these jokes. When we see a post like "I'm just a girl standing in front of her bills, asking them to pay themselves," it resonates because we've all felt that moment of financial overwhelm. These digital confessions create instant community in acknowledging that managing money in today's world can be genuinely challenging.
This shared vulnerability creates bonds. It normalizes the reality that many of us weren't taught proper financial skills growing up. It acknowledges that even as adults, we sometimes make impulsive financial decisions or feel confused by financial jargon.
Throughout my career, I've seen how important it is for women to know they're not alone in their money struggles. Shame thrives in isolation, and these jokes can be a first step toward breaking that isolation.
When Self-Deprecation Becomes Self-Limitation
But it gets complicated. The stories we tell repeatedly (even jokingly) have a way of becoming our reality. This is something I've observed consistently in my work with clients.
When we repeatedly joke "Just realized I've spent more time researching the perfect budget app than actually budgeting" or ""Realized today that I approach my finances the same way I approach inbox zero – with bursts of intense organization followed by weeks of complete avoidance," we may be unintentionally cementing a belief that financial discipline is beyond our capabilities. We're reinforcing the idea that financial concepts are inherently too complex for us to grasp.
The research is clear: our financial self-efficacy (our belief in our ability to successfully manage our money), directly impacts our financial behaviors and outcomes. Every time we publicly identify as "bad with money," we're potentially weakening that crucial self-efficacy.
And when we regularly post things like:
"My relationship status with my financial goals is 'it's complicated' and has been for approximately 15 years."
"Just had to explain to my banking app that no, that wasn't fraudulent activity – that's just what panic shopping before a job interview looks like."
We're normalizing a future of financial limitation. We're subtly telling ourselves and others that financial struggles are simply our destiny, rather than a temporary circumstance we can change with the right knowledge and support.
What We're Not Talking About
Perhaps the most concerning aspect of financial self-deprecation is what it allows us to avoid discussing. When we focus on our individual shopping habits or budgeting fails, we sidestep more significant conversations about:
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The wage gap that continues to impact women's earning potential
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The "pink tax" that makes many women's products more expensive
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The investing gap that compounds over decades
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The disproportionate caregiving responsibilities that affect women's career trajectories
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The importance of establishing financial independence, regardless of relationship status
These systemic issues require both collective awareness and individual action. But when our financial conversations remain at the level of self-deprecating jokes, we miss opportunities to address these deeper challenges.
Creating a New Financial Narrative
To be clear, I'm not suggesting we all become humorless financial robots posting spreadsheets and compound interest calculations (though if that’s you - let’s be friends)? The world needs our wit, our realness, our ability to find lightness in struggle.
But what if we shifted our online financial language in subtle yet powerful ways?
Instead of "Realized today that I approach my finances the same way I approach inbox zero – with bursts of intense organization followed by weeks of complete avoidance," what if we acknowledged, "Some days I'm a financial planning machine. Other days I can't remember if I already paid that bill. Both versions are trying their best."
Instead of "Just spent 30 minutes calculating if I can afford both therapy and my retirement contributions this month," what if we reframed it as, "Made my first therapy appointment and increased my 401(k) contribution in the same day. Investing in both my mental and financial future."
Instead of "My relationship status with my financial goals is 'it's complicated' and has been for approximately 15 years," what if we shared, "Sometimes I'm amazed at how far I've come financially. Other times I'm frustrated by how far I still need to go. Both perspectives are valid."
This isn't about creating an unrealistic image or hiding our struggles. It's about reframing our financial narrative from one of helplessness to one of growth and agency.
Modeling Financial Confidence
One of the most powerful things we can do (especially for the younger women watching us online) is to model what financial confidence looks like. Not perfection, but confidence.
This means occasionally sharing our financial wins alongside our challenges. It means normalizing conversations about investing, saving, and thoughtful spending decisions. It means showing that we can make mistakes, learn from them, and keep moving forward on our financial journey.
As a financial planner who happens to be a woman, I understand the complex relationship many of us have with money. I know that cultural messages, family backgrounds, and systemic barriers all influence how we think and talk about our finances.
But I also know this: you are more financially capable than you've been led to believe. You can understand compound interest. You can learn to invest. You can create financial systems that support your goals and values.
Finding Balance in Our Financial Conversations
The most authentic financial discussions acknowledge both challenges and capabilities. They recognize systematic obstacles while embracing personal agency, making room for both vulnerability and strength.
Let's continue sharing our real financial experiences online, including struggles, successes, and the learning curve between them. Keep the humor that makes these conversations accessible, but be mindful of the narrative we create about women's relationship with money. Avoid reinforcing limitations that don't actually exist.
The truth is, you weren't meant to just survive financially or joke about money troubles until retirement. You were created to thrive financially, to build wealth, security, and freedom on your own terms.
Keep sending those memes about life's absurdities, but when it comes to money talk, let's speak in ways that reflect our true capabilities, not just our momentary challenges.
Your financial future is no joke. And neither is your capacity to create it.
Related: Time as an Investment: How to Maximize Your Greatest Asset