When Wives Earn More Than Their Husbands

Over the last few years, we’ve been hearing a lot about income inequality and how best to address the economic and social problems it presents. Researchers have uncovered disagreement about what steps, if any, need to be taken, and there’s certainly plenty to think about, regardless of your political outlook on such things.

For example, an article in The New York Times examines a sociological aspect of the issue: as income inequality has become more pronounced, there has been a concurrent rise in the phenomenon social scientists call “associative mating.” Simply put, associative mating means that people tend to marry others like themselves, particularly in terms of education and earning potential. Economically advantaged people tend to marry other advantaged people, thus magnifying both their advantages. Sociologists report that the result is a society more stratified by class than in the 1950s, for example, when women in particular strove to marry “up,” and there was more mobility between social classes.

As people marry later now than they used to, and increasingly choose partners from their own educational and economic backgrounds, the nature of marriage is fundamentally changing. Whereas single men once sought homemakers and single women sought breadwinners, The Timesreports that people now are more likely to seek companions who share their interests. And, while it is still most common for the husband to earn more than the wife in couples in which both spouses hold jobs, the marital pay gap is slowly shrinking. (Wives today reportedly make 78% of what their husbands do, on average. While that’s a long way from equality, it also represents much progress—in 1970, that figure was just 52%!)

Related: How Divorced Women Can Plan for Retirement and Succeed

Since the fundamentals of marriage are changing, it only follows that the problems that lead couples to divorce are changing, as well. Today’s marriage therapists report that couples are struggling with the division of housework, responsibilities for child care, and differences in sexual desire. (Considering that women who earn more than their husbands also do more housework and child care than their husbands, it comes as no surprise that these are areas of resentment and conflict.)

What does all this mean for a divorce financial advisor?

Regular readers know that my firm works exclusively with women going through financially complex divorces. Increasingly, these are women with substantial incomes and assets of their own, and possibly significantly more than their husbands. Particularly in high-net-worth marriages, having a greater income or higher net worth than your husband makes for special considerations when it comes to divorce.

Here are a few points of advice to consider if you are in that situation:

Maintain excellent communication with your husband about financial issues.

It’s long been my experience and observation that in healthy marriages, spouses talk often and openly about their money. Resentments grow when dissatisfaction goes unvoiced. That’s as true about financial issues as it is about anything—and where your marital finances are concerned, being in the dark can have serious consequences indeed.

Have a pre- or postnuptial agreement stating clearly who owns what.

A prenuptial agreement is generally drawn up to protect the spouse with greater assets from losing an unfair proportion of those assets in case of a divorce. Today, couples use them to set forth in legal terms what they’ve decided, through open and clear communication, should be separate and marital property. Remember, too, that if you don’t have a legal agreement, you’re stuck with whatever the state says about how your property should be divided.

Keep some of your money separate.

I advise all women, whether or not divorce seems to be a possibility, to keep a bank account of their own that their husband can’t access or maybe doesn’t even know about . This is a sure way to preserve some financial independence even as a married woman. Even more important: maintain your credit rating. It’s wise to keep an active credit card in your name alone.

Divorce-proof your business.

If you own a business or professional partnership, it no doubt represents years of education, countless long hours of hard work, and many kinds of sacrifice.

You’ve earned your position, and you don’t want to see these hard-won gains put at risk in the event of a divorce. Even if you’re single or happily married, you should take measures to protect what you’ve achieved.

Women who earn more than their husbands are still relative rarities, even today. But as the marital income gap continues to shrink, more and more women will find that they have considerable income and assets to safeguard in the event of a divorce. Working with a qualified financial advisor with specific experience helping divorcing women can make a world of difference in the outcome.