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Just as well-designed graphical user interfaces, or “GUIs,” make our devices more relatable, the best leaders in the world design their own excellent relational interfaces. Deliberately and in real-time, they monitor and adjust how they come across to others to make it easy to connect with—and bring out the best in—their colleagues and those they lead.
Consider for a moment leaders people admire greatly. Think of Nelson Mandela or Martin Luther King, Jr., for example. In addition to extraordinary missions and charisma, people said about each of them, “When he was talking to me, I felt like I was the only person in the world.” That is best in class human interface: listening with a quiet mind and fully tuning in to the other person.
Imagine you connecting with your colleagues and team that way, day in and day out. How does that differ from your current style of relating in the workplace, if at all?
On the flip side, when people’s relational experiences interacting with a leader are on balance negative, the leader’s going to be less effective than they could be — after all, whenever others must spend their energy adapting to a leader’s problematic interface, they won’t be moved to bring their A-game, or if they are, it’ll be despite (rather than in part because of) their leader’s interface.
Consider someone you have met in the past or worked with who may be anywhere from somewhat to very unaware of how they impact others. They may have an awkward or cold relatability style, greet people or situations with dismissal or skepticism, or overuse their authority over others. It can also be something more straightforward — a relational habit that puts people off (e.g., chronic crankiness, multitasking, restating, interrupting, etc.) Each relatability challenge above requires others to work around them for a smooth interaction.
It boils down to this: the more aware you are in real-time of how your interaction style impacts those around you, the more likely you can catch, self-correct, and connect in ways that unlock the best in others. The reverse is also true.
That’s why conscious awareness and control of your interface are so critical.
Here’s how
As a starting point for you, over the next few weeks, as you interact with others 1:1, in groups, and via video, practice conscious self-monitoring. Throughout your interactions, watch your impact on their faces, in their words, and non-verbal cues, and ask yourself at least one, and maybe a few, of the following questions in real-time:
- How are people responding or reacting to me now—to my non-verbal cues, words, and actions?
- Is my current interaction style causing others to bring out their best or something less?
- What do I need to change in how I’m relating to (this person / this team) to make it that way?
Eventually, it will always be good to spend about 10% of your conscious attention monitoring your impact on other(s) and adjusting as needed.
Until then, give yourself some leeway as you work with these internal questions. Like any important skill, it takes time, patience, and practice. But eventually, that “drone/observer you” will begin to join your conscious awareness, day in and day out. And as it becomes increasingly embedded in your leadership skills, you will look back and wonder how you ever did without it.
You may be the most brilliant, accomplished person in the world, and over time, your interface can still make or break you as a leader, accelerating or preventing all you hope to achieve. So work on it — you will find observer-you invaluable as a leader. And in so doing, you’ll help others be at their best. I can think of no better definition of leadership.
So, how do you want to evolve, adapt, or enhance your interface?