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Written by: Karen Dorsey
Is getting divorced a reality for you now?
Are you worried – maybe even paranoid about sharing the details of your divorce? What if you’re in a high conflict divorce – it’s even more critical to know what to tell people about your divorce.
We’ve all heard the phrase “anything you say can and will be used against you?” As innocent as disclosing details may seem, keep in mind the consequences of what you are choosing to share and with whom you choose to share could affect the outcome of your divorce.
First Hand Experience
I remember when I divorced, people were talking about me and my husband and it felt absolutely horrible. Unfortunately, there are people who love to gossip and here is one important thing I noticed – their version of my story had no resemblance to the truth of my circumstances.
Think of the “details” of your divorce as your personal and private property. Only you know the truths of your situation. Consider that you are only going to share those “details” with your most trustworthy family and friends.
Be aware that your family will inherently have lots of questions as they love you and care about your well-being. As far as your friends and whom you choose to share with, ask yourself if they have your back, if they’re safe, and if they’re non-judgmental and empathetic. Your friends may still be friends with your soon to be ex and it may be best to protect your privacy.
Where & What To Share
The other area to use caution is in social media. Posts in social media can be used in divorce and they are usually in a negative and detrimental context. Oftentimes, I recommend that my clients shut down or hide their social media accounts while in the divorce process.
One of the best techniques to use when you are in situations where you have to tell people that you’re divorcing is to actually have scripts that are pre-planned and you can memorize them. This can eliminate the stress and panic of fumbling around for the right worlds and panicking from being put on the spot.
So What Exactly Can You Say?
Here are some good scripts to use:
- Yes, we’re divorcing and I’m hoping to keep it a private matter.
- I love you and I know you care about me, but I’m feeling a little overwhelmed and I just can’t talk about it right now.
- I appreciate your support and I know you’ll understand that this is a really difficult time for me right now.
- We are divorcing and I’m not ready to share any more than that.
- This is a private time for me right now. I’ll be able to talk more another time.
This is never an easy time, but you can take control. The people you care about will totally understand. If they don’t that’s okay, too.
If you’re struggling with this or any other phase of your divorce, please reach out to us at Smarter Divorce Solutions. You don’t need to do this alone.