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Written by: Christopher Scott | Christopher Scott
"Your network is your net worth."
I can’t help but think how ironic it is that this is the first blog post I’ve ever written. As a Software Engineer and a self-identifying introvert, people (myself included) would imagine that “how to be social” is the last topic I’d write a blog post about.
However, time and time again I’ve witnessed first-hand how spending a good amount of time with the right people has helped me accelerate towards achieving my goals. I’ve never been a fan of networking just to network; those connections are often artificial and fruitless. Alternatively, here are some tips to leverage your existing network to help you and your friends get to the next level.
1. Talk about what you’re passionate about
This should go without saying but I feel like I should at least remind those who sometimes shy away from their favorite topic in exchange for lighter conversation. Talk about your passions! So many of my opportunities have come from acquaintances who know what I’m interested in and reach out to me when they come across an opportunity.
If you’re in search of some opportunity (a new job, a chance to travel, a big break) it gets 10x easier when you have your network of friends helping you as well. This doesn’t mean you should expect your friends to act as personal assistants and get the job done for you, but if you talk to them often enough about whatever it is you’re passionate about it’ll be fresher in their minds and they’ll think of you when they come across something that might be up your alley. Setting each other up to succeed? Of course! What are friends for?!
2. Be a Super-Connector
A “super-connector” is someone who often brokers introductions between two or more people in their network. I’m not sure if I first heard the term in " Tipping Point " by Malcolm Gladwell or " Never Eat Alone " by Keith Ferrazzi but they’re both books I’d recommend.
This point goes hand-in-hand with the first. Being a good friend means caring about your friends’ goals and introducing them to the people and opportunities that might help them whenever you come across them yourself.
Doing this often provides a win-win-win situation for all the people involved. If the two people you connect are truly a match for each other, you will have helped two of your friends get closer to achieving their goals and chances are they’ll be eager to reciprocate if they have the chance to do the same for you.
3. Keep the right people in your circle
Jim Rohn is credited with the following quote: "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with."
A similar and probably more popular quote says “show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.” While the adage is as old as dirt, I can offer my 22 years on this earth as further confirmation.
Subconsciously mimicking others is a natural human behavior. It’s how we learn to walk and talk as a babies and it follows us into adulthood. This is why it’s important to surround yourself with ambitious people if you plan on working towards ambitious goals of your own.
For instance, if your roommate loves to play FIFA every day after work, it’s only a matter of time before you catch yourself playing a couple extra games here and there which will eventually become a habit. Similarly, if your closest friends like to get blackout drunk every weekend, you’re going to have a hard time remaining friends if you decide you want to use that time for something else.
Monitoring your friends’ emotions is just as important as monitoring their actions. If they're constantly lamenting the latest Instagram update or worrying about the onset of World War III, it’ll have a negative effect on your mood whether you want it to or not.
Purposely drifting away from old friends can be difficult but if you’re really serious about your personal growth you need to pay attention to your surroundings and consider making changes to who you’re spending the most time with.
4. Opt to hang out with new people
I have my own theory on the best way to expand your social circle. It comes from reflecting on my own social experiences and I’ve shared it with close friends who are looking to establish themselves in a new city, be it for social or professional reasons.
On any given night you might hear about two different mixers/parties/events that are going on in town. In this scenario, consider applying the follow rule: When given two options for what to do on any given night, opt to do the thing which will surround you with the most new people.
Putting this into practice looks like this: instead of going over to Maggie McGarry’s (again) where you know you’ll see the familiar faces you see every weekend, why not go to your coworker’s ex-roommate’s birthday party. Sure there’s a little more uncertainty around how much fun you might have, but studies show that you discover more opportunities from talking to your "weak ties” compared to your “strong ties.” Think of your strong ties as your twenty closest friends and your weak ties as all of your other acquaintances.
Due to the fact that you spend the most time with the people your strong ties, it’s more likely that you are aware of the same opportunities that they are. On the contrary, your weak ties have entire other circles of friends that can be a treasure trove of possible opportunities so long as you let them know what you’re passionate about.
Opting to go to the party where you'll only know one or two people may push you a little bit outside of your comfort zone, but that’s exactly where you want to be if you’re prioritizing personal growth.
5. Get out there!
In general, I think most cliches have some truth to them. Woody Allen is generally credited as being the first to say “showing up is half the battle.”
Moving into a studio apartment a few months ago taught me how important it is to reach out and make an effort to remain socially active. When you’re living with roommates, cool opportunities just seem to come out of thin air. When you’re on your own they’re a little harder to find, but they’re there if you keep your eyes and ears open. Either way, what matters most is that you take action and show up. None of these tips will help if you spend another night on the couch binge watching Seinfeld (guilty as charged).