Written by: Dr. Bob Wright | Wright Living
Everyone knows that committed relationships take hard work, open communication and self-reflection. But sometimes someone says or does something the other person doesn’t like. Sometimes we end up thinking, “I wish I wouldn’t have said that.” We try our best to be loving and supportive partners, but during heated moments it’s easy to lose sight of the big picture or to let something slip we didn’t really mean.
Within any relationship, there are always opportunities to improve your communication with your partner. Here’s how…
1. Remember Where Your Emotions Come From
When you’re in a conflict, you can use the fight as an opportunity to grow, learn and develop. 80% of hurt in fights is historic: something happening now reminds you of the past and brings up those old feelings. For example, an interaction with your partner could stir up feelings of embarrassment due to a similarly embarrassing experience from your childhood. This emotional charge could prevent you from equipping yourself for the conflict and cloud your judgment. Be assertive with your feelings and make them known. If you need to, take a break from the conflict to get your bearings straight.
2. Stop Managing and Communicate What You Yearn For
During any sort of conflict, it’s important to keep the focus on your feelings and the feelings of your partner. The goal is not to change them. Instead, it’s about finding common ground. It’s easy to get into the bad habit of trying to micromanage your partner and the way he or she does things. You may be doing it subtly or even subconsciously. The other person may be feeling managed due to the words or body language choices you’re making. Stop and take the time to understand their reactions. Then you can both communicate what you’re yearning for and reveal the true roots of the conflict.
3. Don’t Forget the Rules of Engagement
There are actually 7 ground rules for conflict, which we will reveal in our upcoming book, The Heart of the Fight from New Harbinger Publications, coming February 2016. Available for preorder now!
For now, let’s break down 3 of the big ones here:
It’s not always easy to be in a relationship and it can be really easy to feel as though you’re not communicating with your partner. Communication is about honesty, both within yourself and with your partner. Keep your personal emotions in check during times of heated conflict or things could be become much worse. Remember the rules of engaging in conflict. Focusing on these 3 keys to better communication will ensure you and your partner will be able to learn and grow from each new situation.