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How to guide clients through the emotional and financial challenges of late-life separation.
The new year often ushers in a wave of fresh starts, and for many, that includes untangling themselves from strained marriages. January marks the unofficial beginning of “divorce season,” as couples who’ve endured the emotional and financial strain of the holidays turn their focus to ending their relationships. For financial advisors with clients age 50+, this presents a critical opportunity to help clients protect their wealth and long-term security amid the complexities of divorce.
Whether guiding a client offensively to ensure fair asset division or defensively to safeguard against unforeseen liabilities, advisors are playing an increasingly strategic role in the divorce process. From untangling financial accounts to planning for post-divorce stability, their expertise is key in helping clients navigate one of life’s most challenging transitions with their financial health intact.
Like a seasoned coach guiding a team through a grueling championship run, financial advisors help clients play both offense and defense throughout the divorce process. Offensively, they craft strategies to secure favorable settlements and advocate for their client’s financial interests. Defensively, they protect against costly missteps, unexpected tax implications, and potential legal pitfalls. With some divorces dragging on for months—or even years—having a trusted financial “playbook” ensures clients can stay focused and prepared for the long game.
What Sets Gray Divorce Apart from the Rest
Gray divorce—the separation of couples aged 50 and older—comes with unique challenges that distinguish it from divorces earlier in life. One critical factor is the lack of time to financially recover from the division of assets. Unlike younger divorcees who may have decades to rebuild their financial foundation, older adults are typically approaching or already in retirement, leaving little opportunity to recoup lost wealth.
Another key difference is the assumption that spouses will care for one another through retirement and into old age. When a marriage ends, this mutual support structure dissolves, leaving individuals to navigate their later years alone. This is especially problematic for those who may have relied on their partner for emotional or physical caregiving. The absence of a spouse heightens the need for long-term care planning, such as purchasing insurance or arranging for professional caregiving services—expenses many gray divorcees are unprepared for.
Women face disproportionate financial and emotional challenges after a gray divorce. Statistically, they are more likely to see their standard of living decline, often requiring significant lifestyle changes to make ends meet. Many are forced to re-enter or remain in the workforce longer than anticipated, delay retirement, downsize their homes, or relocate to more affordable areas. These adjustments can be overwhelming, particularly for those who may have spent years out of the workforce, focusing on raising children or supporting their spouse’s career.
The emotional toll can be just as significant. Gray divorce can upend long-held plans for shared retirement dreams, leaving individuals to navigate the uncertain waters of independence, loneliness, and financial insecurity at a stage in life when stability is most valued. Financial advisors have a unique opportunity to support clients through these transitions by offering guidance on wealth preservation, future planning, and compassionate advice tailored to their specific needs.
Why Women Need To Get in the Financial Game Earlier
According to the Journal of Gerontology, in 1990, only 8.7% of all divorces in the United States occurred among adults 50 and older. However, by 2019, that percentage had grown to 36%. In addition, divorce also can be financially depleting. Women 50 and older experience a 45% decline in their standard of living; for men it’s 21%.*
Suzanne Schmitt, Managing Director of Next Chapter, highlights that historically lower wages, increased likelihood of income interruptions due to caregiving and longer lifespans put them at greater risk when it comes to longevity planning. “Divorce has a heavier and more lasting impact on women,” Schmitt explains. “Without a team of specialists that includes social, emotional and physical support, financial guidance and legal expertise, the financial disruption of divorce can jeopardize their ability to maintain financial stability throughout retirement, making it essential for women to prioritize their long-term financial health.”
To mitigate these risks, women must take a proactive approach to managing their finances. “Women need to participate fully in their financial lives whether single, coupled or divorcing, understand risk, and make informed decisions about saving and investing,” Schmitt advises. This includes becoming familiar with financial protection tools like long-term care insurance, guaranteed annuities, and QLACs (qualified longevity annuity contracts). By working closely with a financial advisor who specializes in helping women tailor and strengthen their financial strategies before, during, and after a separation or divorce, women can gain the knowledge and strategies needed to build resilience and protect their financial future in the face of longer lifespans and greater financial demands.
Why Fighting Over Money Isn’t Worth a Divorce
Couples arguing about money often see divorce as the only way out, but Brian Brogan, Behavioral Coach at Alden Investment Group in Doylestown, PA believes it doesn’t have to end that way. Brogan draws on insights from Gottman Method’s relationship approach, which emphasizes reconnecting through intimacy and reducing conflict, particularly in later stages of life. “Many couples in the Gray Divorce demographic are simply out of sync after years of focusing on careers or raising children,” Brogan explains. “The resentment and unmet expectations often lurking beneath the surface can be addressed if both partners are willing to recognize these patterns and make changes.” Brogan encourages financial advisors to consider the emotional dynamics at play and suggests that reconnecting as partners is often a better option than dividing assets and walking away.
For Brogan, money isn’t the root cause of most divorces—it’s unresolved communication and resentment that drive couples apart. “It’s not about arguing over dollars; it’s about what those arguments represent,” he says. To break the cycle, Brogan advises couples to schedule regular “money dates” to calmly discuss finances in a neutral setting. “Don’t talk about money in the bedroom, over dinner, or while paying bills—it’s a recipe for disaster.” He also recommends forgiveness as a key to moving forward and encourages advisors to build a network of therapists who can support couples through relationship challenges.
How Advisors Help Manage Financial Conflicts in Relationships
Financial conflicts can strain even the strongest of relationships, often leading couples to consider separation or divorce. For financial advisors, navigating these emotionally charged situations requires both expertise and sensitivity. Abbey Henderson, CEO, Wealth Advisor, and Coach at Abaris Financial Group in Concord, Massachusetts, shared her insights on how advisors can effectively support clients facing these challenges.
Henderson emphasizes that many financial conflicts in relationships stem from deeper values and behaviors. "Spending decisions—whether it’s on children, lifestyle choices, or other priorities—are often rooted in underlying beliefs," she explains. Advisors can play a pivotal role in helping couples identify these patterns and open lines of communication.
“Facilitating these conversations isn’t easy. It requires patience and buy-in from both parties,” Henderson says. That’s where the value of a neutral third party comes in. By offering objectivity, advisors can help couples navigate financial disagreements without escalating tensions. Henderson also points out that addressing these issues proactively is part of the holistic client service offered under an advisor’s management.
When children are involved, the divorce process becomes exponentially more complex. "The presence of kids adds another layer of emotional and financial considerations," Henderson notes. This can include everything from decisions about child support and custody to the division of assets needed to maintain a stable home environment for the children. It also raises the issue of who will pay for their kids’ college, extra-curricular activities, school trips, braces, and more.
For advisors, understanding the mechanics of asset division is essential. "In most cases, the parties themselves or a family court judge will determine how assets are split," Henderson explains. Advisors can play a critical role by educating clients on the financial implications of these decisions and preparing them for potential lifestyle changes.
“Protecting yourself financially and emotionally is critical during this time,” Henderson advises, underscoring the importance of thorough planning and clear communication. Advisors who can balance financial expertise with empathy often become indispensable allies during the divorce process.
Do People Remain Clients Post-Divorce?
Divorce presents unique challenges for financial advisors, especially when both spouses are clients. "Advisors need to establish clarity about who they represent," Henderson warns, noting that there is no client-advisor privilege. Advisors must remain impartial and, in many cases, refer one spouse to another professional to avoid conflicts of interest.
Henderson also highlights the unpredictability of divorce timelines. "Even amicable divorces can take longer than expected, and it’s not uncommon for one party to hide assets," she says. Advisors should be prepared for these realities and have processes in place to ensure full transparency.
Additionally, post-divorce financial realities can impact an advisor’s relationship with clients. "The asset levels of each individual post-divorce may no longer meet a firm’s minimums," Henderson observes. Advisors should consider how to address these shifts while maintaining client trust and satisfaction.
Guiding HNW Clients Through Complex Divorces
Wealth manager Becky Krieger of Accredited Investor Wealth Management in Edina, MN has firsthand experience helping high-net-worth clients navigate the complexities of divorce, an often emotionally and financially charged process. “Divorce impacts every facet of a client’s life, not just their finances,” she explains. Working with clients dealing with issues like infidelity, addiction, or irreconcilable differences, Krieger emphasizes the need for financial advisors to address both the tangible and intangible consequences. While many clients attempt couples therapy or trial separations before filing for divorce, advisors can play a critical role by preparing them for the financial realities ahead. “It’s not just about dividing assets—it’s about preserving financial security and emotional stability for the long term.”
For Krieger, maintaining neutrality is crucial, particularly when managing the assets of both divorcing spouses. “It’s common for one client to want to stay on while the other seeks a new advisor,” she says. When both parties continue working with her, careful attention is given to confidentiality and impartiality. This extends to practical matters like ensuring neither spouse feels excluded from events or decisions. “It’s about focusing on the bigger picture,” Krieger adds, “and helping each client emerge financially prepared for their next chapter, without letting the divorce define their relationship with their advisor.”
Krieger often encounters financially unsophisticated spouses who feel vulnerable during divorce proceedings, particularly when complex assets like private equity or real estate are involved. “The wealthier spouse – the so called ‘wealth creator’ -- is often the one initiating the divorce, as they tend to have a better understanding of their financial situation,” she notes. This disparity underscores the importance of financial literacy and engagement for all clients, regardless of their role in the marriage. She advises attorneys and advisors alike to take proactive steps in obtaining documents like tax returns to streamline the process and minimize unnecessary costs. For the less financially savvy spouse, clear explanations and ongoing education are essential to building confidence and ensuring fair outcomes.
Post-divorce planning is another area where Krieger’s expertise shines. She encourages clear agreements on contentious issues such as funding children’s education or weddings to prevent future disputes. “Segmentation of assets, like creating separate investment accounts for specific goals like paying for kids’ weddings, can provide clarity and reduce contention,” she explains. With a team of subject-matter experts, including CPAs and estate planning attorneys, Krieger employs a collaborative approach to wealth management. Her “wealth buckets” strategy ensures clients’ assets are allocated effectively, supporting their immediate needs and long-term objectives as they rebuild their lives post-divorce.
Bridging Wealth and Relationships with Therapy and Coaching
For high-net-worth families, financial issues are rarely just about money—they’re often intertwined with values, ethics, and family dynamics. Brogan, the family therapist and wealth management consultant, takes a unique approach to resolving these challenges by blending financial expertise with coaching and positive psychology. “Understanding a client’s core values and what drives their decisions is essential,” Brogan says. He incorporates tools like online assessments to evaluate clients’ personalities and financial behaviors, helping them uncover patterns that may influence their relationship with money. “It’s not just about coaching them up to improve performance but also focusing on their overall well-being and emotional health.”
Brogan believes that empathy and communication are central to navigating wealth and family relationships. Drawing on concepts like the “platinum rule”—treating others the way they want to be treated—he encourages clients to adapt their communication styles to foster stronger connections. “In marriages, especially among high-net-worth couples, growing apart can happen when partners don’t take the time to understand each other’s evolving needs,” he explains. Brogan’s solution? A “marriage engagement plan” to keep couples aligned in their goals and trade-offs. By addressing these challenges early and providing psychoeducation on key issues, Brogan helps families not only manage wealth but strengthen relationships in the process. “The intersection of money and emotions is where the most meaningful progress happens,” he adds.
Collaborative Divorce Planning: Insights on Mediation and Financial Resilience
Tara Wallace of Northwestern Mutual, a financial advisor who went through her own divorce in 2019, shared her insights on navigating divorce and financial planning. Wallace emphasized the value of the Amicable Divorce Network, a coalition of professionals specializing in mediation, including attorneys, mediators, and financial advisors. “Mediation is a cost-effective, efficient first step for clients,” she explained, highlighting that it helps divorcing couples resolve key issues amicably while saving time and financial resources. Wallace pointed out that successful mediation fosters better outcomes and minimizes long-term conflict.
Wallace also discussed the evolving social attitudes toward divorce, especially among women, noting how greater acceptance has empowered many to take control of their lives. Reflecting on her own experience, she stressed the importance of resolving key issues collaboratively in no-fault divorce states, where the focus is on solutions rather than assigning blame. Wallace underscored the emotional and psychological toll of divorce, emphasizing the importance of financial advisors offering not just technical expertise but also emotional support during this pivotal time.
In her practice, Wallace focuses on enhancing financial literacy and engagement for clients, particularly women who may not have been involved in household financial decisions. She shared an example of a client who had left her career at her husband’s urging and struggled financially after he initiated divorce proceedings. “Engagement and financial education are essential elements to build your financial decision-making muscles,” Wallace said. Her tailored approach includes coaching on budgeting, cash flow management, and rebuilding financial independence to help clients regain confidence in their financial future.
Wallace encourages financial advisors to adopt a proactive and empathetic approach when working with divorcing clients. She recommends conducting thorough audits of finances, fostering collaboration among professionals, and crafting customized financial strategies. “Divorce is about more than dividing assets—it’s about creating a solid foundation for the next chapter,” she explained, reinforcing the importance of blending financial expertise with compassion to guide clients through challenging transitions.
Engaging Both Partners: A Key to Successful Client Relationships
For Eliot Weissberg, President of The Investors Center in Avon, CT, navigating gray divorce means working collaboratively with both members of the couple, mirroring the "Moments that Matter" framework from Next Chapter. Weissberg emphasizes the importance of proactively involving both partners in financial planning to safeguard long-term client relationships and ensure positive outcomes for all parties.
“At The Investors Center, we require full engagement from both members of a couple before we take them on as clients,” explains Weissberg. “This practice not only helps prevent women, in particular, from being sidelined during a divorce but also establishes a stronger foundation for both partners' financial futures. It’s a preventative measure and a best practice.”
Reflecting on his 45 years in the industry, Weissberg has seen the consequences of failing to involve both spouses in the financial planning process. “When one spouse is not engaged, it often leads to disengagement with the advisor altogether,” he says. “That’s bad for business and, more importantly, bad for client outcomes. If they’re married, you need everyone involved if you want a 30-year relationship with the client.”
Weissberg’s approach underscores the value of proactive communication and inclusive financial planning as essential tools for advisors looking to build trust and foster lasting client relationships.
The Bottom Line
Supporting clients through the complexities of separation and divorce requires a nuanced approach. By fostering open communication, offering unbiased guidance, and preparing clients for the financial and emotional realities of divorce, advisors can help their clients emerge from these challenges with clarity and confidence. As Abaris Wealth Management’s Abby Henderson puts it, “The role of the financial advisor is not just about managing assets—it’s about helping clients navigate life’s transitions with stability and support.”
Related: 8 Practical Steps to Simplify Your Retirement Life in 2025
*(Brown, S. L., & Lin, I.,) Journals of Gerontology: Social Sciences, Vol. 77, No. 9, 2022;
“More couples are divorcing after age 50 than ever before. Psychologists are helping them navigate the big changes”; American Psychological Association; By Charlotte Huff; November 1, 2023; Vol. 54 No. 8