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Estate planning, as I emphasize to clients and write about regularly, is critically important. It matters that we establish how we want our tangible assets like money and property distributed when we die.
Life legacy planning is a broader perspective that includes our less tangible assets. These might be the wisdom you want to share, values you want to pass on, stories you want to preserve, and, above all, the relationships you want to nurture even after you are gone.
One way to pass on that emotional legacy is through a “last love letter.” This term (borrowed from the late Dick Wagner) is used by Gayle Colman, a financial planner and author of The Body of Money who is also my long-time friend. She discussed last love letters in a recent conversation on my podcast, Financial Therapy – It’s Not Just About the Money.
The idea grew out of Gayle’s own experiences with loss. When her father passed, his last words were some practical instructions. Though these were loving in their own way, she realized how much she longed for something more personal—an acknowledgment of who she was to him and what made their relationship special. It’s a longing many of us have, even if we don’t always know how to name it.
As a result, Gayle decided to write last love letters to her children. Writing something so deeply personal is not easy. Gayle’s first attempts helped her realize the process had stirred up emotions and memories she hadn’t fully worked through. Those false starts weren’t failures; they were part of the journey. They reminded her that writing a true love letter requires a willingness to dig deep and allow the words to come from one’s authentic self.
That’s why she encourages people to think about writing these letters in community, in a safe, non-judgmental space. The group can provide support, accountability, and even inspiration. This is something I did several years ago in a workshop with Susan Turnbull, who uses the term “ethical will.” It was a powerful and emotional process.
A love letter doesn’t have to be lengthy or elaborate to have an impact. Gayle has found that when the words finally come, they’re often surprisingly simple. It might just be a few lines, but those lines can mean everything. “You made me proud when you…” or “I’ll always remember the way you…” It’s the kind of thing that lingers, offering comfort and clarity long after the writer is gone.
For Gayle, this practice of writing last love letters is part of what she calls life legacy planning. It goes beyond the practicalities of wills and estate documents to the emotional and relational legacies we leave behind. These letters offer a way to soften the edges of loss and bring a sense of closure and connection to those we love most.
Her invitation is simple: just write the letter. It doesn’t have to be perfect, and it doesn’t need to cover everything. Just start with what feels true. Let the people you love know how much they mean to you.
Gayle also suggests you might consider sharing these letters with your loved ones now, while you can see the impact of your words. Think about how powerful it could be for your spouse, your kids, or your closest friends to hear what they mean to you. It might open the way for building even stronger connections during your lifetime.
These letters are meant to ensure you do not leave your most valuable legacy unshared. Because in the end, what matters most is not the assets or accomplishments but the love we leave behind.
Related: Are Boomers Depleting Their Children's Inheritance?