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The holidays brought us face-to-face with aging parents. Maybe you noticed concerning changes or know you needed to discuss future planning. But where do you start when they resist these conversations? Aging parents often want to put this off, saying “I’m fine, we’ll do that later”.
At AgingParents.com, we’re a unique nurse-lawyer, psychologist team who’ve guided countless families through these challenging discussions. Here are proven strategies we’ve developed that you can try.
1. Time it Right
Don’t bring up serious topics during holiday celebrations. Instead, find a quiet moment, perhaps over morning coffee, when everyone is relaxed. Start with “I care about you and want to help make things easier as you age. Can we talk about that?”
2. Listen More Than You Talk
Your parents likely fear losing independence. Let them express these fears. Avoid criticism or pushing your agenda. Sometimes just nodding and saying “I understand” builds more trust than offering solutions.
3. Focus on Preserving Independence
Frame planning as a way to maintain control, not lose it. Try: “Having a plan means you’ll always have a say in what happens, even if something unexpected comes up.” This approach often reduces resistance.
4. Share Real Stories
Instead of abstract warnings, mention specific situations: “Remember when Dad’s friend John had that fall? His family struggled because they didn’t know his wishes or what to do to pay for care. That’s why I’d love to discuss these things now, while we have time, when you are still doing okay.”
5. Take Small Steps
You don’t need to solve everything in one conversation. Start with simpler topics like organizing important documents, learning a bit about their finances if you don’t know, and getting a power of attorney and advance healthcare directive. Build trust gradually.
Remember: Having these conversations now can prevent pressured, crisis decisions later. Your parents gave you guidance throughout your life. Now it’s your turn to help protect them as they age – with patience, respect, and love.