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Here at AgingParents.com, we see a broad range of elder-related problems. This one was a first. It is a true case, one a solo ager can learn from. If you are aging and living alone, take heed.
The Facts:
Aging veteran (AV) was living alone, and struggling with being disconnected from others. He was okay, he thought. Until he got Covid. He was very ill, and had no one to help him at home. He called on his only son, who historically was aggressive and temperamental. They were not close. AV felt he had no choice. He was scared.
Temperamental son, TS, came, along with his unemployed girlfriend, UG. They provided meals and did some shopping for AV at first but then stopped. AV took several weeks to recover, but did regain his health. It was time for TS and UG to leave, AV said. But they refused. AV took to drink, his old nemesis. Getting drunk made matters worse.
The Conflict
AV tried to assert himself and demanded that TS and UG get out of his home. They wouldn’t go. He was frightened of his son, who was larger and heavier than AV, and TS made physical threats against his father. AV sought legal help and initiated an eviction of his son and UG. TS reacted by threatening and intimidating AV to the point that he backed off the eviction. Then things got even worse than before.
Physical Abuse
One night, TS came at AV in a rage and put his hands on AV’s throat, choking him, then backing off. AV tried to call the police but UG snatched his phone away and would not give it back. The next day, AV went to his doctor, who reported the harm to Adult Protective Services as required. A police report was done, but with all that, nothing happened to TS. He remained in AV’s home.
Legal Action
AV returned to his lawyer and said he wanted to have his son removed. AV had the legal option to seek a restraining order against TS and UG. AV was terrified, but this time, he persisted. We at AgingParents.com helped him complete the process. His lawyer prepared the case and took it before a judge. The judge ruled that this was a case of elder abuse. He granted the restraining order. The couple had to leave, escorted out by law enforcement. Finally, AV would have his home back.
The Aging Parent’s Mistakes Before The Abuse
AV living alone and without friends, had done no planning for what would happen if he fell ill. His life had been so limited that when he got Covid, he had no one other than his potentially abusive son to call. Following this terrible period, he finally woke up to the need to thoroughly change his life. He returned to Alcoholics Anonymous, got sober, and began to socialize more. We encouraged him to hire a caregiver as a companion. He did, and it worked well. She cooked and shopped for him and they had long talks, which helped him see things differently. He got his life on a better track.
The Takeaways
If you are aging alone, make a plan for what to do if your health declines. Don’t isolate yourself. Everyone needs friends, a community, and connection to others, for general enjoyment of life as well as safety. We can all learn from this true case study.
Related: Your Aging Parent Living Far Away Could Be at Risk – Here's What to Know