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Married men and women know this well. Couples, in theory, should have plenty to talk about and if there at the committed, engaged or married stages, few topics should be off limits.
Makes sense because relationships tend to die on hills of dishonesty and lack of transparency. The good news is lying is avoidable and transparency is a choice – usually a sound one. Yet for some reason, in many of male/female marriages either the husband, wife or both, find it difficult to discuss financial matters.
Consider the findings in the recently published Our Secret Numbers: Women, Men, and the Taboo Nature of Financial Health courtesy of Wells Fargo. Starting with one of the eye-catching statistics from the study, the only issue couples are less likely to discuss than financial matters is past sexual encounters. That’s what the kids these days call a “body count.”
Various financial issues are mentioned in the survey and some of the gaps between reluctance to discuss those and past partners of intimacy aren’t all that wide. For example, 65% of those queried by Wells Fargo said they’re not at ease discussing number of past partners with current ones while 71% said they don’t want to talk about their credit scores with their spouses.
‘Programming’ Is to Blame
Obviously, adults need to be accountable for their actions, but there is a clear element of societal programming regarding why couples’ reservations in having open talks about finances.
“Society has conditioned us to think that sharing financially-related numbers is so taboo, that the only piece of information deemed more scandalous to share is the number of romantic partners we’ve had,” notes Wells Fargo.
That conditioning is amplified in male/female couples when it comes to what they will and will not discuss in terms of personal matters.
They talk the talk similarly when it comes to their age, medications they take, and number of romantic partners, but diverge when looking at numbers closely related to social status, framing financial figures to be dirty little secrets,” adds Wells Fargo.
It’s not the place of an advisor to be a marriage counselor or to lecture clients on marital bliss, but they can add considerable value to the relationship by bringing up the importance of financial conversations and transparency. That value proposition is particularly relevant to couples who are engaged or newlyweds. They apt to appreciate advice and strategies that can prevent future disagreements.
Understanding Cyclicality of Financial Transparency
Among the other noteworthy findings in the Wells Fargo is the point that, perhaps not surprisingly, that the better a person is doing financially, the more open they are to discussing related topics with a romantic partner. However, the percentages aren’t linear between men and women.
For example, 57% of women that are senior executives are comfortable talking about their overall financial health, but it’s 70% for men, according to Wells Fargo. When it comes to debt, just 46% of women who are high-level executives want to have that conversation, but two-thirds of men are up for it.
Another element that’s probably not all that surprising is that age plays a role in financial chat liberalization. The older someone is, the more likely they are to perceive these conversations as taboo.
“Boomers keep a tight lid on these topics, while Gen Z is finding their footing. Millennials are more likely to be an open book, and Gen Xers shy away from financial talk,” according to the bank.
Bottom line: advisors aren’t marriage counselors, but they can help engaged/married clients see the value in having adult, productive conversations about financial matters. Those talks could prevent a lot of headaches and heartache down the road.
Related: How To Part Ways With ‘Bad Clients’