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The oft-used saying “Money is the root of all evil” is actually a paraphrase of a Bible verse “For the love of money is the root of all evil.” One interpretation of that verse is that money itself isn’t inherently evil, but it can stir negative behavior and emotions.
Advisors know that even for a single person, finances can be sources of stress. That’s amplified in a relationship where money often looms large in terms of causing arguments and worse. Yet for whatever, financial conversations are still considered quite taboo, so much so that various studies indicate that in romantic relationships, the vast majority of participants would rather discuss their past sexual dalliances with their partners than talk about finances.
“Taboo” secrets are being kept and that’s potentially ruinous, particularly in interpersonal relationships. Perhaps not surprisingly, there are significant differences between men and women when it comes to money secrets. A new WalletHub survey says 77% more men have financial secrets than women.
Alone, that’s a troubling statistic, but compounding that level of woe is the point that 69% of those polled by WalletHub believe some level of financial fibbing is necessary at times. That’s staggeringly high. With cloak-and-dagger attitudes toward money pervasive, it might not be surprising that 10% of those surveyed view financial infidelity as worse than the physical kind.
Why Men Keep Financial Secrets
First, a disclaimer. I’m not a licensed psychologist or therapist, but I am a guy, so I’ll attempt to explain why men are more prone to keeping financial secrets than women.
A starting point is that when it comes to keeping financial secrets from a female partner, it’s not a stretch to surmise that males are hiding bad news, not good news. Think about it this way: if you’re a married man and you get a 50% raise at work or make $10,000 trading bitcoin or stocks, you’re likely to tell your wife because it’s the right thing to do and, well, because the validation is nice.
Conversely, men are cryptic about negative financial news. Take the example of a recently filed case in the United States District Court for the District of New Jersey –filed by the affected wife – about a husband squandering nearly $1 million of the family’s money on DraftKings. Such suits are difficult to win and while this is an extreme example, it also underscores men’s proclivity for financial secrecy.
One of the primary reasons – emphasis on “reasons” because it’s not an excuse – for that secrecy is men are more apt to stress about money and internalize that stress. Regardless of the source of stress, bottling it up often breeds negative outcomes.
Other Alarming Signs
The WalletHub survey does not pile on men, but it does include some other concerning data points regarding clandestine views on finances and those issues aren’t confined to one gender. For example, 43% of those queried said they’ve lied about a large purchase while nearly a third said they’ve fibbed about a purchase deemed to be “inappropriate.”
Here’s the big problem with financial secrecy in a marriage: 53% of those surveyed by WalletHub believe financial problems are a legitimate reason to get divorced. In other words, some secrets probably shouldn’t be secrets.