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The similarities in problematic behaviors around both money and food have long intrigued me. Both tap into a deeper, often hidden, part of ourselves. I’ve found little research or hard evidence of this connection—until I met Celia Clark. A therapist from Scotland specializing in body image issues, Celia is also trained in Internal Family Systems therapy. As we talked, a fascinating parallel pattern emerged—our clients, grappling with seemingly disparate challenges, were often caught in the same internal struggles.
These are just a few of the common factors we found:
1. More information does not solve the problem. Learning more about money and how it works alone is not enough to help people change problematic money behaviors. Similarly, more knowledge about nutrition, food plans, or diet strategies will not help someone resolve problematic eating behaviors. “You just need a budget” and “It’s as simple as eating less and exercising more” are equally unhelpful in creating lasting change. Real change occurs when we examine and connect with the emotions and stories behind the behavior.
2. It’s not about the money or the food. The problematic behavior is about emotional needs that are not being met. It’s about using money or food in an attempt to heal or avoid emotional pain. Celia sees her clients bonding with food as a replacement for an unmet relational need in their lives; I see people bonding with money for the same reason. One noteworthy point is that those who undereat are actually bonding not with food but with hunger—with depriving themselves of food. In the same way, someone who underspends to a point of deprivation is bonding with the deprivation, not the money.
3. Shame plays a huge role in keeping people stuck. Given that talking about money is taboo in many cultures, it’s no wonder we are likely to keep secrets about money behavior that we fear others will judge us for. In the same way, being shamed or judged for one’s body size or eating habits can lead to secrecy around food. It may feel safer not to eat or spend in front of other people, to avoid talking about food or money, or to lie about what you eat or what something cost.
4. With both food and money, a focus on strict dieting or budgeting tends to create a rebound pattern. The person may be able to change their behavior in the short term. Commonly, though, they feel restricted and deprived, which can trigger a response of binge eating or binge spending, which generates shame, which leads to renewed determination to stick to a diet or a budget, and the cycle keeps repeating.
5. Both food and money are essentials of life. We need to eat to survive; none of us can avoid food. What we can avoid is talking about or addressing our problematic relationship with food and eating. Similarly, all of us need to pay some attention to money and finances. People with predominant money scripts in the Money Avoidant category, for example, may avoid learning how to manage money well or may make choices that keep them in relative poverty. Yet they still need some way to pay for food, shelter, and other basic needs of daily living.
Lasting behavioral changes come from internal emotional healing, not external pressure. Whether someone’s problematic relationship is with food or money, recovery involves addressing the trauma and issues that underlie the behavior. Then they can begin to free themselves from the destructive and inevitably unsuccessful cycle of trying to use money or food to meet their emotional needs. Both nutritional health and financial health have their roots in emotional wellness.
Related: The Joy of Missing out on Short-Term Investing Anxiety