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Do you ever argue with yourself over even small financial decisions? “Part of me wants to buy those shoes, but part of me says I don’t need them even if they’re on sale.”
That inner push and pull is not just random self-talk; it’s a glimpse into what I call your Internal Financial System™. This concept was inspired by Dr. Richard Schwartz’s Internal Family Systems™ (IFS) Therapy, which suggests that our minds are made up of “parts,” each with its own personality, agenda, and history. Learning this was a game-changer for me both personally and for helping people untangle their relationship with money.
Image that your financial decisions are being debated in a boardroom. The board members might include a risk-taker who is eager to dive into the next big adventure, a cautious saver who pumps the brakes at every turn, and a relentless critic who second-guesses everything. It might feel like these voices are sabotaging you, but they are actually trying to help. Their intentions are good, even though their strategies may come from younger versions of yourself and be outdated.
Behind the intentions of your Internal Financial System’s board members are unconscious money scripts that come from your childhood. Maybe your parents or siblings “borrowed” from your piggy bank without asking, leaving you feeling unprotected. Or maybe a family financial crisis taught you that money wasn’t reliable. Protective inner parts of yourself can turn experiences like these into deep beliefs like, “Money won’t last,” or “Spend it before it’s gone.” Decades later, these scripts can still shape your financial choices.
It’s important to understand that your internal parts are not who you are. They are separate from the authentic core Self that is the real you. Instead of trying to silence, fight, or get rid of the parts, IFS encourages you, as your Self, to become curious about them. Why does your risk-taker insist on gambling with your savings? Why is your critic so harsh? By exploring questions like these, you can begin to grasp why those parts formed the beliefs they hold. Then you can help those parts update their beliefs. A risk-taker stuck in a five-year-old’s mindset can grow into a wiser, more thoughtful member of your financial team.
One of the most powerful aspects of IFS is its compassion. It emphasizes that even our most frustrating behaviors—overspending, extreme saving, procrastination—are rooted in good intentions. A part of you that spends recklessly might want to soothe old feelings of scarcity. A part that hoards every penny might be trying to protect you from vulnerability. When these parts are seen for their good intentions and as helpers rather than obstacles, they can start working in harmony instead of against others in the financial system.
This perspective has transformed how I see financial planning. Creating budgets and crunching investment numbers are important, but they’re only part of the story. Real transformation happens when we approach our financial habits with curiosity and compassion.
For many of my clients, this shift has been profound. When they stopped judging their financial behaviors and started listening to their internal board members, they unearthed stories and emotions they had never realized were at play.
When you think about money behaviors that don’t serve you well, I suggest tuning in to your financial boardroom. Start with a little curiosity. What emotions surface? Which voices are the loudest? Are they helping you in the present, or are they stuck in the past? Most importantly, what are they trying to accomplish? Begin to know these parts of yourself. Next week we’ll look at how you can begin using that knowledge to create lasting financial change.
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