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To prevent recurring conflict conversations, focus on commitment
Do you ever get frustrated by conflict conversations that just won’t end? You think you’ve reached an agreement, and a few weeks later you’re back to the same Groundhog Day discussion.
Your conversation needs to produce action, or nothing changes. And if nothing changes, it’s worse than if you never had a conversation. Now you’ve wasted time, trust drips away, and people lose hope. Commitment is the answer and the key to move you from words to action.
There are two keys to a useful commitment in conflict conversations. The first is to get specific. You want specific actions with specific owners who have specific finish lines. The second key to an effective commitment is to schedule a time to review your agreement.
Bring on the Commitment G.O.A.T.s
Let’s give you some commitment G.O.A.T.s (greatest of all time Powerful Phrases) that will help ensure your conflict conversations lead to action.
3 Powerful Phrases to Prevent Recurring Conflict Conversations
1. What’s one action we can both agree to as a next step here?
You might not have resolved all the issues, but steering the conversation to one specific next step helps create forward momentum. Asking for just one action will usually feel doable. And if one step feels easy, you can always say “Great, what else do you think we could do?”
2. So, to recap our conversation, we’ve agreed to _________. Is that your understanding?
As you can see, we’re big believers in the “check for understanding” throughout the conversation. It’s particularly important when recapping a workplace conflict conversation. The more emotionally intense the conversation, the more critical this final step is. If you leave the discussion with different expectations, you’ll have continued conflict and hurt feelings.
3. Let’s schedule some time to talk about this again, and see how our solution is working.
If you’ve ever been in one of our leadership training programs, you’ll recognize this as “scheduling the finish,”
One of the big sources of workplace conflict is when you think you’ve resolved it, and everything doesn’t go the way you planned. Scheduling time to talk about the situation again makes the follow-up conversation more natural because you’ve already agreed to it.
A scheduled follow-up increases the odds that you’ll both keep your commitments to one another. And, it gives you a built-in opportunity to discuss the inevitable disruptions to your plan.
Your turn.
How about you? What’s one of your favorite powerful phrases to prevent conflict conversations from recurring?
Related: How to Stop Frustrating Email Communication from Your Team