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When I work with clients who want to learn how to speak like a professional, one of the first things we work on is dealing with aggressive behavior from members of the audience. It’s an important topic and one that deserves our attention. When I wrote the book, How to Run Seminars & Workshop, I wrote extensively about this topic laying out a series of solutions, but years later, I realized I left one final move out.
Let me set the stage for you. Someone has attended a workshop you’ve been leading, and that person has been extremely difficult to work with. Perhaps they saw no value in what you were teaching, or maybe you looked like someone they didn’t like from their past, or maybe they just didn’t want to be there. The snide remarks, ridiculous questions, distracting facial expressions and more, have been hard to handle. Through it all, you maintained your discipline to not engage and attack back. You suffered through a distasteful couple of days, but at least it’s over… and then comes the speech from that difficult person.
It’s amazing how frequently you will be subjected to the same, tired words. The speech is usually delivered with other attendees present, and the puppy dog eyes and sinister smile that go along with the words can make even those with a strong constitution nauseous. At this point in my career, I have the speech memorized. It goes something like this:
“Mr. Jolles, I just wanted to say something if I could. I really liked your training course. I mean, I hope you weren’t offended by my words or actions. I certainly didn’t mean anything by them. It’s kind of how I learn. I really like to make sure I understand everything, so I ask a lot of questions. I know the good instructors like that, and you are one of the good ones. Anyway, thanks again!”
For years, that speech caught me by surprise. The shorter speech that followed by me was usually a clumsy, somewhat tongue-tied, “Uh… that’s okay… uh… thanks for coming up. Take care.” The problem is, that short speech haunted me. If I was angry before that final exchange, I was furious after it; not at the attendee, but at me. Through a manipulative little side-show, I absolved that individual of all that he or she had done to ruin my two days. By the way, often others in the program have been bothered by that same person as well. My response would literally keep me awake at night thinking about what I should have said. So, I learned a different speech, allowing me to be better prepared for this cunning little spectacle to play out. Now I respond this way:
“Thank you for coming up. Your words are not lost on me. However, I do need you to know that your participation in the program made things very challenging for me, and the rest of those in attendance. I’d encourage you to consider a different approach when participating in programs like this. Good luck.” Shake the snake’s hand, don’t overembellish your words, and move on.
That’s my version of the speech. I’d encourage you to create one of your own, and memorize it. The intent is not to embarrass the individual, or to be, in any way, unprofessional. You don’t want to stoop to his or her level. The intent is to provide an honest, professional answer. When you do, you’ll not only be fulfilling your duty as an educator, you’ll reap one other reward: You’ll sleep like a baby.
Related: The Anatomy of Starting a Workshop