How You Speak Is Not Your Identity

I was interviewed by Ashley Milne-Tyte at thebroadexperience.com . Ashley is a former NPR journalist who’s set out on her own. A really huge topic on NPR is women’s voices. People are discussing whether a woman has a too-high pitch or uses “ upspeak ” (going up at the end of an utterance) or “glottal fry” (a crackly voice). Basically how you speak.

Ashley said that many female journalists are criticized for their voices . And that often their reaction is, “That’s just how I sound and I’m not going to do anything about it!” As if it’s a permanent characteristic.

How You Speak is Not your identity.


It’s not a permanent characteristic. And why would we think for a moment that we shouldn’t get better at communicating? It’s the one single pivotal thing that gets us what we need out of life! We spend hundreds of thousands of dollars for an education and then when we go into the interview we blow it. We’re scared out of our wits for weeks in advance. Our true selves don’t show when we’re in more anxiety ridden situations.

When we’re in anxiety ridden situations we start speaking like a robot–choppy & monotonous. We speak too fast and our pitch gets high. I explain why this happens here Why You Suck at Public Speaking . This causes us to not come across as smart as we are & can result in someone else getting the job or the gig. So how you speak is one of the most important aspects of you! But it can be changed. Significantly & quickly.

Related: 3 Critical Steps to Speak Better to Improve Your Communication Skills

We hire a tennis pro, we take music lessons, we go to the gym, we improve all aspects of ourselves. Why do we think we should be born an amazing communicator ? We aren’t. Human brains haven’t evolved our ability to communicate precisely and in a relaxed manner yet. We’re infants when it comes to communicating. So there’s no need to feel embarrassed if you want to work on how you speak. In fact, you should feel proud of yourself.

Great Leaders Work on How They Speak


Every person you know who’s a great communicator worked on it. Nobody’s yet perfect. There’s no such thing as perfect. There will never be a stopping point for our evolution. Evolution’s plan is to get better & better. There’s no reason to say: That’s just the way I am; I’m not going to improve. Certainly not with something as important as communicating your message. Communication skills are our greatest tool to getting what we need out of life.

[ Please note: The “upspeak” link is a very horrifying & embarrassing video of me describing upspeak and explaining how to eliminate it. If you don’t absolutely need to watch it please don’t]