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Dear ED (aka my eating disorder),
For so many years, you filled the hole in my heart with a temporary feeling of fullness that quickly turned to shame. My inability to express my sensitivity and painful insecurity in a world where I felt forced to perform added extra weight to my already heavy frame. The voices from my childhood constantly reminding me that I was never going to be enough, and yet I was way too much at the same time.
You gave me a way to express my anger and frustration, temporarily silencing the voices that only gained volume and power over me. I knew I needed to leave you, but each time I tried the emptiness was too much to bear alone.
Until true love entered my life. Like nothing I'd experienced before, someone strong enough and patient enough to see me for exactly who I am, who loves me unconditionally - not in spite of my sensitivity but because of it.
In an instant, I felt truly seen and heard for the first time. I suddenly believed that I was really enough, and not too much, and able to be loved. And not through words, but by actions true love finally filled the emptiness that you once tried to fix. And although I had to completely rewrite my story and my identity to finally let you go once and for all, I have moved on.
Like being born again, I have learned to let love in. And although it's still scary and overwhelming at times, knowing what's on the other side provides so much comfort and courage that I am confident I will never return.
So, it's with great peace and confidence that I finally say goodbye ED. Without guilt or shame for the journey that brought me to this place. Because I know that without the darkness it's impossible to truly see, appreciate and embrace the light.
With gratitude for the lessons learned, and the hope and healing I hope to share with others.
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