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“Pushy” is a word with negative connotations. No one wants to shop in a store with an aggressive salesperson hanging over your shoulder. I have always believe you can get people to give you an immediate answer, but that answer will be “no.” Suppose we rename this activity as “proactive?” Does it pay to be pushy then?
Some of us will say: “I am waiting for the right moment to ask for business.” Years ago, I met an advisor in California who was friends with a wealthy fellow he was also cultivating. The guy knew what the advisor did, but never brought up business, waiting for the right moment. One day, the guy told the advisor the reason he liked him was he never brought up doing business! As if the advisor didn’t feel bad enough, the guy then mentioned another advisor, someone who was pushy, continually asking for business. The guy said: “I finally sent him a million bucks just to shut him up!” The moral of the story is there might never be a perfect moment, but you can create a good moment simply by asking.
I met another advisor in New York. He played squash or racket ball with a guy who was big in the garment district. (Now called the fashion industry.) They played regularly for something like 15 years. “Have you ever asked him for business?” They advisor replied “No, because he would think I was only playing squash with him to get his account!” For 15 years!! I mentioned the guy knows what you do, but he also knows you are good at your job, because you are still in the business after 15 years!
You must ask. There is an urban legend about John D. Rockefeller. He was with friends and mentioned he recently bought a large insurance policy from someone not in the group. One of his friends spoke up, saying: “I sell insurance. Why didn’t you come to me?” Rockefeller is said to have replied. “The other guy asked.”
Let us look at some ways to be “pushy” without being “pushy:”
1. Everyone should have the opportunity to say no.
If you bring up business and they decline, that is fine. They made a decision themselves. If you take them “off the list” for whatever reason and never ask, you are making the decision for them.
2. I am here if you need me.
When someone dies, we can feel awkward about approaching them for business. There was a skit on the 1978 sitcom Taxi with Danny DeVito doing the same thing. Your bereaved friend might need your help and be aware you are not stepping up to offer assistance. You can at least acknowledge their grief, let them know you understand there will be issues needing attention, you have experience in this area and are willing to help. All they need to do is ask.
3. You wear many hats.
Sit down when you both have time. Explain “I am taking off m y friend hat and putting on my business hat. This will take about five minutes.” Talk business, then announce you are taking off the business hat and putting your friend hat back on. They might want to keep talking business and let you know. This approach is also useful when soliciting your friends for a donation to a nonprofit.
4. The third party approach.
You sit down when you have some time and won’t be interrupted. You ask for more detail about what they do in their career. They will likely return the favor. If not, you might ask: “When you tell your friends about me, what do you say that I do?” You use their answer as the starting point for your explanation. They might feel awkward because they expect you to ask for their account. Instead, you can explain: “Now that you know what I do, if you come across someone with (this problem) or (that problem) you will know how I may be able to help them.” They might personally have (this problem) but your approach is kinder and gentler.
There may never be a perfect time to ask. Keep in mind everyone should have the opportunity to say no. You need to give them the chance to hear you out.
Related: Can Your Business Journal Support Your Prospecting Efforts?