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As a child, I was shy and had a hard time taking credit for my achievements. When my Grandmother asked how I was able to accomplish something, I’d shrug my shoulders and mumble something like, “I don’t know.”
Her response was curt. “Either learn to stand up for for yourself or be content to stand around sucking your thumb the rest of your life.”
My lack of ability to stand up for myself disgusted my Grandmother. True, she could have been more sympathetic but she lived in a time and place where resilience was an essential component in surviving tough winters on a Wyoming cattle ranch.
She learned at an early age to value her skills and talents because she knew she’d need them again—most likely in the near future. Taking personal responsibility for her contributions was not boasting; it was learning how to survive and be resilient.
Resilience is a component of mental toughness. It is the ability to take personal control and responsibility for the direction our lives are taking. Resilient leaders do not seek out happiness by relying on others, nor do they blame others for their situation.
Resilient people are always asking this question: what can I do to change my situation?
For entrepreneurs and business owners, it means believing that you can control the important events in your life. Often this will mean you will need to be flexible in the way that you approach your goals and agile in the way in which you overcome obstacles.
Here are 3 ways you can learn to be more resilient:
1. Become More Resilient By Focusing Your Energy On What You Can Control
I watched as my Grandmother’s cranky horse stretched out his neck, bared his teeth, and bit down on her left breast so hard that she had to have a mastectomy. But she was resilient—she knew while she couldn’t control everything that came her way, she could absolutely control her response to it.
And that changes everything.
A major component of positive thinking is the belief that the future will be a more pleasant place because, to a large extent, we can control important events in our life.
In his book, The Status Syndrome: How Social Standing Affects Our Health and Longevity , Michael Marmot explains how clerks and secretaries are more likely to die of heart attacks than senior executives.
Even taking into consideration other variables such as smoking and poor nutrition, his research team concluded that those in lower category jobs had less control over their life, and the more likely they were suffer from heart disease.
2. Become More Resilient By Not Looking To Others To Provide Your Happiness
When I was about 6 years old, I was given a tall black quarter horse to ride. The only way I could get on him was to lead him to a rock high enough that I could step into the stirrup. Horses are not stupid—it didn’t take him long to catch on and he started shying away from the rock.
I would cry in frustration as everyone left me alone to deal with my problem. Although my Grandmother never graduated from high school, she asked me an incredibly wise question: Why did I keep doing the same thing over and over even when it didn’t work?
She was right. I had a self-limiting belief about what I could, and could not, do. From then on, I grabbed the leather ties hanging from the pommel of the stock saddle, pulled myself into the stirrup, and then into the saddle seat.
To be resilient is to recognize that if you are continually dissatisfied with aspects of your life, then it is your responsibility to take the initiative and rewrite the self-limiting beliefs you have about yourself that keep you chained to repetitive thinking and behaving.
Try this:
3. Become More Resilient By Finding Your Zones Of Competence
As a child, I needed to learn acceptance, not narcissism, was the path toward a resilient mindset that accepted ownership for my achievements.
Once I was able to claim ownership for my zones of competence, it didn’t hurt so bad to let go of those areas in which I was not as competent. My confidence was not shaken when I was asked to drop choir class because I sang so off-key it was disturbing the other kids!
If we believe that chance or luck is responsible for our achievements, then we march through life believing we have no control over our destiny. We develop a victim mentality.
Once we realize that we are responsible for our success, we also experience more satisfaction when we do attain our goals.
Resilient people believe that problems can be solved, the solutions must be found within themselves, and success is not about self-glorification.
How have you learned to be more resilient?