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When I see bad advertising copy, I have to say something. Especially when it’s produced by a luxury brand that (I assume) can do better.
My latest example comes from Windham Mountain Club via an advertorial in the New York Times Magazine (that my mom mailed to me, because that’s what moms do. At least, that’s what my mom does).
I grew up skiing (and then snowboarding) at Ski Windham. My entire family has loads of good memories made on their slopes in the Catskill Mountains of New York.
Well, a year or so ago, it was announced that new owners were turning it into a private ski area. The locals, resort homeowners, and long-time skiers were outraged, as you can imagine.
Windham is not only a ski area, it’s a town. People live there and earn their money via tourism. By turning the ski area private, tourism may drop. Anyway, it’s a mess and not the point of this article anyway.
Back to Windham Mountain Club’s terrible advertorial. The new owners are also the owners of the famed luxury resort Blackberry Farm in Tennessee. Like I said, you’d think they’d know better when it comes to advertising copy.
What makes advertising “luxury”?
When I think about luxury brand marketing, four words come to mind “clean, spare, quiet, aspirational.”
Words are chosen carefully and used sparingly to tell a story.
Here’s an example from Hermes:
Mirror, mirror on the wall
What is the most beautiful Clic bracelet in Faubourg? All of them, replied the reflection, dazzled by the shimmering bracelets. Time goes by, but the icon is everlasting.
The average price for a Clic bracelet is $700, by the way.
Even if you didn’t know I pulled that copy off the Hermes website, you would know it came from a luxury brand.
Also, that final sentence could stand on its own. It’s a masterpiece.
So, what’s the deal with Windham Mountain Club?
The Windham Mountain Club copy is completely over-the-top
It doesn’t come off as desperate, per se, but it’s trying WAY too hard.
Here’s the headline and first paragraph, which is only two sentences:
Discover the Magic of Windham Mountain Club
Nestled in the heart of the Catskills and just a short drive from New York City, Windham Mountain Club is a sanctuary for year-round adventurers of all ages that bring families closer in every season. Standing as the preeminent destination for thoughtfully elevated and intentionally uncrowded mountain living, this premiere, public-private mountain community seamlessly blends world-class skiing with exclusive luxury amenities, offering an unparalleled experience for winter weekend guests and private club members.
First of all, Windham is about 2 ½ to 3 hours by car from New York City, depending on where you live in the city and what traffic is like. That is not a short drive!
Second, they can bring families closer? In every season? Even families that hate each other? Bottle that up and sell it – you’ll make a fortune.
Third, the first sentence promises fun in every season, but the second only mentions the winter season.
Fourth, this many adjectives – and those overly long sentences – do not scream “luxury.” There is nothing understated about them.
And if you have to rely that heavily on adjectives to get your point across, you’re … let’s just say you’re not a very good writer. (The other eight paragraphs are this bad.)
How would I turn bad advertising copy around?
Glad you asked.
The headline is perfectly fine, so I’ll just tackle the introduction.
Year-round adventure waits for you in the heart of the Catskills. At Windham Mountain Club, you will enjoy uncrowded mountain living, world-class skiing, and your choice of bespoke outdoor activities.
I would then have focused the rest of the copy on those three differentiators.
Instead, the copy goes all over the place, with one paragraph devoted entirely to the new owners. The only part that’s relevant: the owner of Blackberry Farm owns Windham and wants to bring a similar experience to New York.
Before we move on, please indulge me. I need to share one more sentence that I absolutely hate:
Members and guests can embark on extraordinary journeys filled with unexpected delights – whether it’s a personalized wine or token of appreciation, every moment is curated to surprise and enchant.
I have questions:
What’s personalized wine? Does that mean the label is personalized with my name on it, or the wine is custom blended to suit my palate?
What’s a token of appreciation? What do I need to do to get it? Do I get to choose my token?
How many staff members will be devoted to me to make sure EVERY MOMENT is curated? Do I get a butler? An assistant? A nanny? My own chef?
(Here are more examples of bad writing, if you’re interested.)
Also, the photos in the advertorial are terrible
Part of storytelling involves photos, images, and illustrations. On this count, the advertorial fails miserably.
The biggest photo shows part of the ski area on a gray, cloudy day. That’s not very inspiring or enticing. (If you don’t ski, gray days are the worst. The light is flat, so you can’t see texture in the snow, let alone ice, moguls, bumps, and other stuff you might want to avoid.)
Then there are five small photos, which could be stock:
- Three smiling people on a chair lift (the sun is shining in this one!)
- A man fly-fishing on a wide creek
- A plate of food (can’t tell what it is)
- Two women doing yoga or Pilates in a fitness center
- Mom, dad, and kid laughing and eating smores
If these are stock, no. This is a luxury brand. You can afford a custom photo library.
But in any case, I don’t understand why you wouldn’t lean into photos to help tell your story. Get rid of the over-the-top sentences that make my eyes bleed and SHOW me what Windham Mountain Club will be/is like.
Don’t settle for bad copy, ever
If someone hands you bad advertising copy that is long on hyperbole and short on clear messages that reflect your brand, don’t settle. And with our team, you won’t.